What Being On My Own Has Taught Me

After eight months of being on my own out in this world, I’m bound to learn something about myself, other people, or the world in general. And I believe I have. I improved my social skills, I reordered my priorities, and I wrote more often.

Branching out, and growing accustomed to living outside of my comfort zone

Before embarking on my journey, I would have considered myself rather introverted. I was shy around strangers, especially when there was no purpose for conversation. I typically avoided people, even if I needed help with directions or information. On occasion, I would have actually rather walked five miles, then confront someone and ask about how the public transportation functioned. And that’s not just because I like walking.

One of my top priorities while walking around these past eight months was to learn to become more extroverted. I started slowly at first, but then, as it became easier, I flourished. I started off by putting myself in situations where I would talk with people. I would jump at any opportunity to meet someone new. Whether it was going up to a random group of people at a hostel and striking up a conversation, meeting someone on Couchsurfing to explore the city, or proactively arranging dinners, coffee dates, or activities with people that I knew I would be in contact with in the future.

Then, as I had more and more practice with conversing with people, and the anxiety started to fade, I focused on having good conversations. I needed to first define what a good conversation meant to me. For me, a good conversation involves learning as much about the other person(s) with whom I am talking. Keeping the focus and topic of conversation on the other person(s), rather than myself. I tried to actively listen, and to ask relevant questions that would further the conversation. Only when the other person actually asked a question about myself would I talk about myself.

The next step was to be more optimistic. Smile more. Only talk about positive thoughts. Or if it is unavoidable, talk about a negative thought in a positive way. Look at the bright side. At first, this was slightly forced. But over time, as I actively learned more about the people I was around, I started to gather a growing empathy for everyone. I felt genuinely happy for other people when they achieved something, or told a story about their own life. By having good conversations with people, I cared for them more. This really showed during my time in Nepal, where I spent four months around the same group of people. Living together, working together, and playing together made it easy to learn more and more about others.

Worrying less about material possessions

Before heading out, I knew that I wanted to worry less about my stuff. But I never thought it would be possible. In previous travels, I met people who would just leave their belongings on their dorm bed, where anyone could just take it. I also met people who would entrust their entire bag to a stranger. And these weren’t strictly personal belongings that had no intrinsic value. Laptops, cameras, passports, or phones were among these belongings. I was completely taken aback in these situations. How could someone just leave all of their belongings somewhere like that? I would be worrying constantly. So much so that I wouldn’t enjoy the current moment. I eventually found a solution, but it was far from what I ever expected to find.

Instead of just learning to worry less, I had an entire shift in my priorities and thinking. By having better conversations with people, making genuine friends, and enjoying people’s company more, I started to value my experiences more than my possessions. And those are impossible to steal. Obviously, I still carried my phone, passport, and wallet on me in sketchy situations, but I was completely fine with leaving my laptop, camera, and entire backpack somewhere vulnerable.

In addition to worrying less, I actually used my possessions less. Most of the time, especially in Nepal, I didn’t have internet access. I never used my phone or laptop. And because of this I was able to enjoy the company of others. The current moment, the people around me, and truly living became more important than my things.

Worrying less about the future and planning

I wouldn’t say that I am a planner necessarily, but I do like to have a little certainty about the future. During the last eight months, nothing was certain. I had no idea what was next. And at first, I worried about it. But as time went on, and I learned how to enjoy the current moment by making good friends and having great experiences. And the future became less important. I wasn’t able to cut out worrying entirely. But I am more comfortable accepting the fact that what will happen, will happen.

All In All

By learning to have meaningful conversations, worrying less, and living in the current moment, I had a happier life. I was able to branch out and leave my comfort zone. And I was able to truly understand what was important to me as a person. I’m incredibly lucky to have had an experience such as this. And I hope to continue having them in the future!